Have you ever feel a broken heart ? or feeling very very low down ? so blue and just very hurt and sad? well, i am feeling it right now, exactly on 24th January 2018 i got a messages from a stranger stating that her friend has been dating my girlfriend for months, and exactly at that moment my knee felt fragile as a paper thin and my work at that day in a completely disaster, i can’t focus on anything but that words. all feeling united, anger, sad, hurt, disbelief, betrayed, cheated, literally anything bad i felt that day. how come the one who occupied my heart for at least a year cheating on me ? how come that sweet creature do such a despicable thing ? what is really happening ? is it true or is it a hoax? directly i ask her about the text i got and ask for clarification and hope it’s all a sham and hear relieving lines.
My hope in fact too high and it makes the impact more destructing. I can sense all the thing but truth, she asked me not to believe those words but she can’t even convince myself nor herself, i can feel something is not right, she definitely hide the truth, and defense herself too much and worse she defense Him, i can’t just trust my intuition, instead i try to trust her for i know her for so long, my heart still beg ‘please believe her’ even all the fact and source very legit and convincing. after a very hard and prolonged battle took place in my heart occurred, i decided to gather more evidence and come back stronger to reveal the truth and finally she starts to open up about the truth but not a complete story just fractions but that’s enough for me.
All the dreams, plans, and everything in a split second crumble into ashes, still can’t believe but the reality force me to, she has been with him since at least October means it’s just a month after she arrived in her new working place and took three months for me to finally see the truth, not to mention i noticed all the deviations in her behavior since October, but still can’t imagine how quick for her to find a new one and put another soul in her tiny heart. i am not a typical of guy who can move so easily and feverishly it will linger for a quite sometime, all the betrayal, anger, sad and everything, but i beg the time to be my morphine.
It’s been said that January or Janus as the Roman named is the god who has the ability to see into the future and past also the god who depicted with having two heads that face in opposite directions. one looks back to the year departed, and one looks forward to the new and uncertain year ahead, but after this bitterness truth happened i can almost sure that Janus ask me to look forward to find the new beginning to move on confidently to open up the door that has been forced shut to be able to listen more carefully to my inner intuition and to let go of the past even though it leaves a deep wound and shameful scars.