Heartless January

Hi !

Have you ever feel a broken heart ? or feeling very very low down ? so blue and just very hurt and sad? well, i am feeling it right now,  exactly on 24th January 2018 i got a messages from a stranger stating that her friend has been dating my girlfriend for months, and exactly at that moment my knee felt fragile as a paper thin and my work at that day in a completely disaster, i can’t focus on anything but that words. all feeling united, anger, sad, hurt, disbelief, betrayed, cheated, literally anything bad i felt that day. how come the one who occupied my heart for at least a year cheating on me ? how come that sweet creature do such a despicable thing ? what is really happening ? is it true or is it a hoax? directly i ask her about the text i got and ask for clarification and hope it’s all a sham and hear relieving lines.

My hope in fact too high and it makes the impact more destructing. I can sense all the thing but truth, she asked me not to believe those words but she can’t even convince myself nor herself, i can feel something is not right, she definitely hide the truth, and defense herself too much and worse she defense Him, i can’t just trust my intuition, instead i try to trust her for i know her for so long, my heart still beg ‘please believe her’ even all the fact and source very legit and convincing. after a very hard and prolonged battle took place in my heart occurred, i decided to gather more evidence and come back stronger to reveal the truth and finally she starts to open up about the truth but not a complete story just fractions but that’s enough for me.

All the dreams, plans, and everything in a split second crumble into ashes, still can’t believe but the reality force me to, she has been with him since at least October means it’s just a month after she arrived in her new working place and took three months for me to finally see the truth, not to mention i noticed all the deviations in her behavior since October, but still can’t imagine how quick for her to find a new one and put another soul in her tiny heart. i am not a typical of guy who can move so easily and feverishly it will linger for a quite sometime, all the betrayal, anger, sad and everything, but i beg the time to be my morphine.

It’s been said that January or Janus as the Roman named is the god who has the ability to see into the future and past also the god who depicted with having two heads that face in opposite directions. one looks back to the year departed, and one looks forward to the new and uncertain year ahead, but after this bitterness truth happened i can almost sure that Janus ask me to look forward to find the new beginning to move on confidently to open up the door that has been forced shut to be able to listen more carefully to my inner intuition and to let go of the past even though it leaves a deep wound and shameful scars.

Posted in February 2018 | Leave a comment

Work Your Way Up


I this time would like to talk about work, i mean work in general, why do we work ? what kind of work do you really want? how do we end up in the job we have now? okay first of all, i would like to introduce myself, i’m a hotelier been in this industry for 5 years now and been in 4 different 4 stars hotel. Now i’m the second layer of the department, being the second layer means you are in the sandwich position, ensuring the plans and strategies  manager made are noticed by all the team member and ensuring that plans and strategies  are applied and in the end produce the expected result. Sounds easy, right? it is easy but what makes it a little bit difficult is organising, leading, and controlling people, yes people, very detail and different characteristic in every one of them, different person means different way to treat and handle them. it means my position got two ways of pressure, from above, the manager and management and from below, the subordinate so they feel welcomed, heard and comfortable with all the policies and rules.

Talking about comfortness, there is this proverb that says “a comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there” have you heard it too? i bet you have, well i am one of a few people that disagree with that line, why? well you can’t deny that we are looking for comfortness in everywhere you go, that for sure including your work, if you are not comfort with your work, you can’t do your work properly and it will lead to resignation with an usual reason is “looking for a better work”, correct? is it comfortness that we all are looking for, comfortness makes our brain  fresh and gives new idea everyday, comfortness gives us motivation and courage everday, comfortness gives us extra strength to face a stormy day at work, comfortness produce loyality in our heart to do a long run in our career.

In recent time i’ve been reminded by my general manager about POLC, Planning, organising, Leading, and controlling. it’s a basic management system that have been used from a hundred years ago. i get the most vital lesson in that one hour session is that, being in supervisory level took a lot motivation, consistency, and commitment. if you can’t motivate yourself how can you motivate your subordinate, if you are not consistent your subordinate will think that you are principle less and unreliable, and if you don’t have commitment why your subordinate must have it? remember supervisor is a role model they will immitate your action and work ethic, you don’t want to be labelled as a bad boss right?

In some other recent time my General manager told me that being a manager, you have to be ready to feel alone, most lonely you have ever been, no one wants to eat lunch with you, no one will talk to you in the public transportation, you will travel to the meeting alone, alone in the hotel room, travel back alone and everything alone because they will disinclined with you correct? so prepare yourself if you are determined to be one some day and embrace the loneliness from now on. He also taught me about effectiveness and efficiency, effectiveness he explained as “doing the right thing” and efficiency is “doing it in a proper timing” talking about timing, i sad knowing the fact that in Indonesia mostly when people going home on time they will be labelled as lazy employee and people who stays late is considered as loyal and hardworking employee, i disagree, in some other country, stay at work late is considered unefficient and uneffective, let’s says we are given 8 hours working time if you haven’t finished your work at the time given then your way of doing thing is uneffective an unefficent right? you have to solve that problem, aren’t you doing your work the same everyday? why still stay late?

Well all the words above are all my point of view okay, no hard feeling. at last some word of advices, be a smart worker not the hard one, be an efficient and effective employee, be adaptable flexible worker and never ever ever badmouthing your prior company, superior, or subordinate because words spread and someday your subordinate might be your boss.





Posted in January 2018 | Leave a comment

Only Those You Trust Can Betray You


For me there is no competition in love, you don’t have to compete at all, if there is, it’s not love at all, it’s betrayal. will you give a competition to the one you love by bringing someone else to your life and give he/she a chance to fill your heart ? will you? for me i would never ever do such a thing. it will hurt your partner as hell and i can guarantee you that. Do you know that love has many other names? such as loyalty, honesty, togetherness and many others, if you love someone but they give you a competition, leave them right away because it will never worth your time. You know what thing that weight more when it’s broken ? it’s heart.

“Shattered legs may heal in time, but some betrayals fester and poison the soul.”
― George R.R. Martin 

The reason for betrayal appeared to be so many and one of them is insecurity , insecure with everything that their brain created, insecure with your partner willingness to fight together, insecure with your partner to stick after whatever happened to you, insecure with your partner financial condition and insecure with a lot of things. Insecurity is logical reason people took to do so, but whatever it is the reason in my opinion betrayal is an act of cowardice, because instead they express their true emotion and confess the real situation, they looking for a solace to answer their problematic. I will never give someone a reason to hate me by creating my little drama of insecurity. Why would someone giving up hope to someone instead of fighting together, why would someone lie and hide instead telling the truth? do you know that truth is relieving even the most bitter truth.

“Betrayal is never easy to handle and there is no right way to accept it.”
― Christine FeehanDark Demon

Something i learned from people that trustworthy and honesty are attitude, once someone lost that attitude, for me it takes million times to gain the same trust for that someone, because there is no guarantee that someone wouldn’t do the same thing again, no? it is correct that fault isn’t hundred percent to the one who betrays, it might be the one who betrayed who made the mistakes as i mention earlier about insecurity, but it still wrong thing to do.

“The point was to learn what it was we feared more: being misunderstood or being betrayed.”
― Adam LevinThe Instructions

The best way to handle betrayal is to forgive them and let yourself heal, because it is hard to hate someone you know and love for so long and believe me there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, whether it was that you wanted ? or why didn’t you give the second chance? or why didn’t you fight for it? that whispers will lingers for a quite sometimes. let me give you some advice, please do not ever think about revenge and find a temporary solace so your ex could see you move on so easily, please don’t let betrayal turns you into something you are not.

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Even though it hurts as hell and undeniably unforgivable and will inevitably leave a deep wound you still be able to heal through one thing that God mercifully created, it called time.




Posted in January 2018 | Leave a comment

Infernal Heartless Person


The title i choose now maybe a little rude but they are exist, yes, Infernal Heartless People, at least that’s what i call them, who are they and why so? okay, infernal because they are not heavenly person who has very decent attitude and well-built communication skill, Heartless because they seems like don’t have a basic manner or basic common sense at all.

Why i bring this topic up because some days ago i met that person, that infernal Heartless Person, who never Say thanks and never admit that they are wrong and worse they always try to make you feel like it’s your fault. is that particular person even exist ? yes of course i met one ! maybe you have met too or maybe one day.

Can you imagine what kind of person who never say thanks !? it’s a common thing that people do to express the gratitude and it’s a basic manner. it’s so basic really, even though their parent didn’t teach them that, they will get it eventually at the school of daily social activity, why so hard to say it? or their self esteem to high till it blocked their mouth shut ? just so you know. me as a normal person will always feel pissed everytime you help people, help with their belonging or open the door for them or just do nice but they never say thanks, i repeat i will always pissed by those person don’t you feel the same ? and i believe they will feel the same when they do something nice to other and din’t get gratitude from other.

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Moreover that the same exact person who never admit that they are wrong even though it’s clear who made the mistake, and worse they make us feel like it’s our fault and demand our apology, it’s crazy right? in any point of view it’s still unreasonable things to do but it’s real and happening , i bet you can’t imagine how to handle this particular personality, i suggest to run and never turn you back because there nothing good in it only make you down and consume you like a cancer.

Well that’s the reason why i call it infernal, i hope you guys will never ever cross path with one of them in your lifetime.

Posted in January 2018 | Leave a comment

Heart Cry Out


Isn’t it scary knowing the one who you hold most dear in a split second could become stanger ? for me it’s the scariest thing ever and at that moment your brain trying to figure out what’s happening ?  but the deeper you look the worst it seems will become. it’s not an elegy it simply my heart crying out, it’s been said that women are the most complex being ever created but are all women also heartless or careless to notice that men also have the same exact heart that to some even more vulnerable that women ever have.

When you close to someone because of a mutual feeling you most likely could spot a slightest change that happened whether the tone of the voice, the gesture of the text or even just an intuition, either way you can feel it real the changes are, for me who have a certain personality, i don’t assume and i trust nothing but pattern it’s the easiest way to make a conclusion regardless the lack of fact or what your close friend trying to calm you down by saying the other way round, i just know it and i can feel it in my bone.

Pattern can be seen throughout daily routine that you have spent together with your close one, pattern in the text style, pattern in the daily activitiy, and so many other patterns, if that patterns suddenly change most likely something has happened, whether she’s seeing other guy or just kind of fed up with a current relationship and just want to move on. As a man you can’t force her to tell the truth because they won’t tell the truth, we will be left hanging and wondering and we can’t do nothing but hoping there’s nothing wrong it’s and all just the feeling.

Wise man said that love is about giving and let it hurt us, for me sometime i feel upset when i do something to someone but they wouldn’t do the same, like you do morning text or good night text or put them as your priority or always have a time to reply their text quickly but that particular person just wouldn’t do the same, tired ? of course you will feel tired but you can do nothing but think positively, maybe she’s really busy at work and after work maybe she’s really tired and just want to hit the sack and maybe that happened 7 days a week so they won’t have the time for a small talk.

This phenomenon often happened in a long distance relationship, where a distance is the obstacle, the distance that clouded your trust or commitment, if you let this tragedy get all over you, you will ruin your social life, your mood, your work basically it will ruin your life, so lower your distrust act and act like everything is normal and do whatever you do to them even though you won’t get the same treatment as you expected, hopefully time will reveal every bitter or sweet truth.


Posted in January 2018 | Leave a comment

Controlling Life Through Mind


Gw terusik sama kata-kata Rhonda Byrne yang isinya

“Hidup Anda merupakan cerminan dari apa yang Anda yakini di dalam batin. Dan apa yang Anda yakini di dalam batin, akan berada di bawah kontrol Anda”

Setuju banget dan memang gw percaya semakin anda menguasai pikiran terutama pikiran bawah sadar anda semakin anda mudah menguasai hidup anda.

Gw salah satu penganut kepercayaan otak kanan atau otak bawah sadar, sebuah sistematika misterius yang belum mampu kita jelajahi secara gamblang, bahkan negara jepang bersikeras memfokuskan penjelajahan di area otak kanan ketimbang penjelajahan luar angkasa karena mereka mengetahui seberapa pentingnya otak kanan ini, Otak kanan adalah suatu keajaiban yang terjadi di hidup kita, memori tanpa batas yang mampu memproses informasi dengan ukuran yang tak terbatas. Karena hanya 3% kapasitas otak rata-rata yang mampu kita gunakan selebihnya 97% ini disebut God Spot yang Tuhan sembunyikan. Pernah nonton film Lucy yang diperankan Scarlett Johansson kira-kira begitulah kemampuan seorang manusia saat ia mampu mengakses 100% kapasitas otaknya.

Ada pelopor penelitian otak kanan di Jepang yang kemaren baru banget gw baca bukunya yaitu Dr. Makoto Sichiada yang terkenal dengan Sichiada method yang diterapkan pada anak usia balita, baca bukunya aja buat gw merinding berkali kali, buku ini menceritakan metode yang diterapkan kepada anak usia balita yaitu dengan proses imajinasi dan meditasi agar mereka mampu mengakses otak kanan mereka dengan mudah, betapa mereka dengan mudah mengimajinasikan tubuh mereka mengecil dan masuk ke tubuh neneknya untuk menghancurkan tumor yang menggerogotinya, bagaimana seorang anak mampu menghafal satu buku hanya dengan membolak-balik halaman buku tersebut atau seorang anak yang mampu menceritakan kembali hanya dengan sekali dengar dan masih banyak cerita lain yang dikemukakan orang tua murid-muridnya. Kenapa harus Balita? karena memang harus dari umur 0 atau saat masih dalam kandungan untuk perkenalan dengan dunia otak kanan tersebut karena semakin dewasa seseorang otak kiri lah yang lebih dominan, apalagi dengan proses pendidikan yang sekarang ini diterapkan sangat kiri sekali, jadi umur segitulah umur emas untuk memaksimalkan kemampuan otak kanan.

Gw bukan mermaksud promosiin Dr. Sichiada haha tapi maksud gw sih seharusnya memang kita harus lebih percaya akan diri kita sendiri, lebih berpikir positif akan apapun hal yang terjadi, jangan sekali kali badmouthing tentang diri sendiri contohnya dengan hanya mengucapkan “gw emang pelupa orangnya” gw pikun amat ya” “bodo amat ya gw” karena otak anda tubuh anda mendengarnya dan itulah yang otak anda percayai bahwa anda bodoh atau anda pelupa dan lain sebagainya, sebaliknya semakin kita positif semakin positif hidup kita karena itulah yang otak bawah sadar kita percayai, sebagai contoh petinju Muhammad Ali selalu berteriak “I’m The Greatest” berulang kali dangan lantang untuk menciptakan energi positif pada tubuhnya sehingga mampu menghipnotis pikirannya dan apa yang terjadi he is one of the greatest boxer right?

Percaya ngga hanya dengan meng-imajinasikan suatu hal, hal itu bisa terjadi? Percayalah kawan gw selalu melakukan hal ini dan itulah yang terjadi baik ataupun buruk tapi hal ini harus dengan keyakinan yang murni tanpa ada ragu sedikitpun, mau sehat, Bayangin aja saat kita sehat, kita main dengan temen kita canda gurau dengan mereka tanpa terganggu kesehatan, kita mau punya kerjaan bayangin dulu aja kerjaan yang kita mau bayangkan dan rasakan kita sedang duduk di meja kerja di depan komputer, kita mau punya rumah, bayangin kita sedang jalan di halaman depan bagaimana bentuknya warnanya nomornya, atau kita mau apapun mari kita coba bayangkan, imajinasikan senyata-nyatanya.

Teringat salah satu kutipan dari om Warren Buffet menyatakan

“Saya selalu berfikir saya akan kaya dan tidak sedetikpun meragukannya”

Tapi tentu pikiran yang kuat harus dibarengi dengan usaha dan pastinya doa supaya dipercepat dan dipermudah setuju?

Posted in April 2016 | Leave a comment

Unspoken Word of Love


I always dreaming about this, the sweetest feeling of being belonged to somebody, the feeling that i never have it until you came in, you came in very strong like a twister at its peak, breaking through any defence that i built, left me defenseless, such a strong wind that could most definitely bring me to the next level of happiness, happiness that I’ve been looking for, and you are to me the home i have been looking for, i stop my searching after i realise how strong this feeling is, thanks to you that now i can’t imagine living a life without you, what’s left of the world if you’re not in it? Being too dramatical no I’m just being sincere, i never feel this so much fear of losing something like i fear of losing you.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.”— The Notebook

We always talk about the future like we have a clue but we just don’t care because deep down we always believe we are meant to complete one and another, time after time i spent with you only make me more realise how much i grateful that i met you, that i found you and to have you is the most majestic feeling that ever been given to me, some say the perfect couple are those that could sense any slight change and adjust together, we have that radar planted in our heart. It’s a sign that we are perfect.

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller

When i say i love you more, it doesn’t mean my love to you is more than your love to me, it means i love you more than any distance that we might be separated in, i love you more than any fight we might face, i love you more than any obstacle that might be found along the way, i love you more than any sadness or bad days ahead of us and i wont be tired to say i love you more because i have chosen you, and i will choose you over and over again without doubt, i will keep choosing you.

“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”— Oscar Wilde

Sometime i was just thinking of you and wonder how long you have been inside my mind and in that moment i know you never left, you will never, its because just a thought of you make me happy and i wish i could turn back the time so i could find you sooner and love you longer. In case you haven’t notice, being loved by you giving me unlimited strength, strength that strong enough to move mountains, strength that strong enough to dry oceans, and loving you give me courage to do so.

“The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that.”— Woody Allen

Plato once said that we become a poet once we are in love, and the best line in every the best poem is “i love you”

Posted in December 2016 | Leave a comment